the month of august would be the month, and the only month i would assume, for me to take a break- BIG TIME. since the school year started, i never really had any breaks due to my obligations for my beloved education. i mean, even though they gave us a few days of vacation throughout the year, i still had to do tons of work that cannot be avoided, and hence, i decided not to take any more summer courses and just concentrate on working.

          after my final exams, i got into all sorts of jobs- newspaper boy, painter, busboy/cook/janitor, and last but not the least, a general labourer a.k.a. "kargador sa isang warehouse". i was desperate for money during those times because i wanted to upgrade my car and install accessories in it, including a new sound system. at that time, i was really into the car craze and so i worked my ass off looking for jobs whatever it may be.

          job after job, i quit, looking for a better compensating job that would actually make my time and effort worthwhile- until i ended up in a beer warehouse picking cases of beers. to tell you the truth, it was not an easy job since it was my first time experiencing REAL labour similar to those construction workers you see on tv. man...i still can't believe i did those.

          moreover, i even had a near-to-death experience because a skid, which was 10 feet high full of beer, fell down while the forklift driver was maneuvering it. and guess where i was, just a meter away, A METER. while i was driving my mini forklift a.k.a. "walkie", i heard someone shouting the words "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKIN WAY!!!". and all i heard was the noise of the beers smashing to the ground. i was lucky enough that i didn't get hurt or anything or else i would be in inside the emergency room having a brain surgery.

           not only that, the worst part of the job are the people that i worked with in general: uncivilized, uneducated, rude, arrogant- in short, parasites in this world. this does not apply to every single employee that i worked with but i am only saying this in general. i may be too harsh to say these things but i guess i just can't step down to their level.

            i actually had a fight with a coworker which triggered me to quit my current job. i was atually planning on quitting my job since my body could not handle working night shifts and at the same time do some landscaping for our backyard. plus, i do household chores such as cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, watering the garden and i also volunteer at an old age house near my house because i have to start gathering up some hours for my grad school.

          for once, i wanted to experience and feel my vacation, even for a month. and so, i decided to just quit and concentrate on the house. i am actually thankful, and also amazed on how the way my life has become when i came here in canada. i became a maid, a painter, a landscaper, an interior designer, a gardener, a newspaper boy, a busboy, a cook, a janitor, a general labourer/ "kargador", an electrician, and a handyman, AND believe it or not, a nerd.

          a lot has happened to me for the past 2 years, both good and bad. and it is too bad that i wasn't able to share the most of it to you guys since i was not privileged enough to have the time in updating my blog. i missed blogging, and this i can say....i WILL miss it again.

          this is it for now i guess...tah tah! ~~ 

right now i am struggling to make a living and currently unemployed (still) because of that damn job that i was supposed to go to tomorrow. unfortunately and inevitably, my employer sent me an email just this morning to tell me that they "do not need my services anymore" since they are currently pursuing other candidates for the job, one day before my starting date.

NAKAKAINIS DI BA!!!!

like OMFG! i really thought that the deal is done and even went there twice and then this is what i am going to hear? i sent them an email and i directly quote:

"Hi there,

blow by blow, i am beginning to tremble at where i stand. each passing day i await for the judgement and consequences i, myself, has caused.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i am scared.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sigh.

 

Mars, Earth, and Venus

by Rein V.

 

I, the Earth, watches Mars from faraway.

as we revolve around the solar system,

i catch a glimpse of Mars every now and then.

but one solar day, i was dazed upon the sight that has befallened

Mars and Venus, juxtaposed, glide through the lines of heaven.

together they fall in line,

together they wait,

together they walk,

together they have.

this spectacle of passion and love has, surprisingly, uncaused the caused.

bliss and happiness replaced sorrow and jealousy.

acceptance and contentment replaced inferiority and hunger.

and ultimately, love was replaced with simple admiration.

as i, the Earth, take off to another realm,

to another part of the universe that is waiting to be unraveled,

i bid happiness and goodbye to my beloved Mars.

thank you and farewell...

somebody once told me that all he is doing nowadays is study and work out. when i heard that, i was just astonished how a person can do those things without flaw.

but the truth is, i felt inferior to that person, a person who is full of knowledge, possesses a lot of talents, and has a great deal of self-discipline. am i jealous? maybe i am. i also seek the path to perfection with a holistic approach, and yet, i also fail numerous times.

just this morning i kept on debating whether to work out or not, and as an excuse, i told myself that i wouldn't have enough time since i had to go to school a while ago. and now i go back to what my friend told me when i asked him why he was exercising. all he said was, " it's just to keep me healthy, and the bonus is that you'll have a pretty body".

wow

i kept on thinking of what he said. i can't imagine how great he is, to the point that i kind of venerate that person.

"there should be some flaw in him...there should be... at least one". but i can't see anything. i know every one has their own deep dark secrets, and heck, he is doing a great job hiding it if he has one.

why am i acting like this? i know it is bad but i just can't help it. that is why maybe i strive and not let myself get behind of everything. but i am getting tired of it. it is like being sucked into a dark vortex that i can't escape.

i really work hard. i do. but sometimes i think back and ask myself, "what is the purpose of me doing this? for what reason? why am i even trying?"

it's draining. but i know i just have to keep on going. whatever it takes the world would revolve and would not stop just for me. that is life. it is harsh. but it is also beautiful.

to tell you the truth i wasn't like this before i went to university. my perspectives in life drastically changed and i don't know why.

i guess it is a good thing that i have this site, this extension of me, where i rule and i write. even though nobody really reads my stuff, i really don't care since i am doing this for me. it is like my therapy to help me release my baggages.

i never knew that im going to like writing. when i was in the philippines, i would rather solve a thousand problems than write essays. but now, it is different.

i became passionate when i write things. i have seen the beauty of words that cannot be expressed simply through action.

moving on, a lot of things happened during the past few months since i entered university. i cried, i weeped, i was frustrated (i am still), and most of all, i made a lot of friends, mostly koreans.

university life taught me a lot of things. it taught me how knowledge can be so precious that it can even move mountains, figuratively speaking. it is so powerful and a lot of people neglect to realize that fact.

life, i guess, is a progressive learning experience. everyday, a person learns different kinds of things whether it is academic or not. and sincelife is so short, i want to utilize every moment when i wake up to learn and gain wisdom. because for me, being ignorant is a sin.

it is kind of funny to think the degree of my metamorphosis that during my pasttime, i watch clips and news about random stuffs and random people such as Tom Cruise and his stupid, pathetic, and utterly ridiculous religion, Scientology.

scientology thinks that psychology is the root of all evil without any substantial basis. and for me, arguing such notion without anything credible to back it up is just plain absurd! i am saying this not because i am planning to double major in biology and psychology but they are just not using the proper process of empirical methodology.

and tom cruise...ugh....watching him reminds me of kookoo's who are admitted in a mental hospital. he seriously needs some professional help, and from my point of view, he is the one who needs a psychologist---seriously.

 

you should watch some of the clips of his interview. it is fun how to see him become a complete nutjob. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2l6a8rvn1Ig

another intruiging issue that allures me is the unending bickering of the presidential candidates Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. gawd! for crying out loud, these two people do not represent a good soon-to-be president of the United States. if i was american, i would not vote for either of these two. stooopid amuricans! (no offence for those american citizens who are reading this) lol

 

to put these aside, i was researching on a good and affordable SUV that we will buy when my dad comes back here in canada. and after rigorous research and numerous surveys from car enthusiasts, i summed up my choices to two cars: Ford's Edge and Hyundai's Santa Fe.

First of all, the price of Edge is around $ 36,500 without tax. the pros of it is that it is very stylish, bold, and offers an okay price for a luxury car. plus, professional car critics gave this car a fairly good review.

however, some of the cons is the fact that it is an american car since american cars do not have a very good repuation when it comes to automobiles. moreover, it has only been launched for a year and there is no guarantee on how good the car would be on the long run. also, critics have said that it is a bit heavy to drive.

the second finalist, which is Hyundai's Santa Fe is equally as good as Ford's Edge. the price of a Santa Fe ranges from $31,000-$37,000 depending on the package that i want to get. the good thing about Hyundai is that it offers the same features that Honda and Toyota have only that Hyundai is much more cheaper. another thing that i liked about this one is that the car reviews on Santa Fe is rather promising. my mind is rest assured that this car is dependable and it is one of the best cars out in the market that has a really affordable price.

the only thing that stops me from buying this car is its style. i really do not like how the exterior is made since it does not have the "it" factor. still, i think i'm goin for the Santa Fe since it is the most practical car for my family.

my hands are getting itchy...ooohh~~~i'll have that SUV soon~~~~kekeke

today was a usual friday for me: go to school, study, play volleyball and badminton, go out after.

but something was missing.

was it my friends?no... it was me...

i was missing. all of them (my friends) kept on living in their own world, in a world i was absent to. i felt so disconnected. i felt isolated.

"aah...i'm in my own world again..."

i am trapped in this slump and i can't seem to escape from it.

for the sake of privacy, i shall call thee MOMO.

while i was jogging inside of our grand gymnasium, momo keeps on popping in my head.

momo's face, momo's body, momo's small eyes, momo's wavy hair, momo' voice; every action, every habit, every detail- everything of momo's is making me numb, frustrated, vulnerable, breathless.

i ran, and i ran. i wanted to shout, but was unable to. i wanted to see momo, but i wasn't courageous enough. i wanted to talk to momo, but i wasn't capable.

every step that i marked on the track felt like electrical surges that keep on building up. i felt pain, in a good way. i felt somewhat liberated at that moment. even for that short span of time, i was freed from the chains that i myself has made.

moving on, i went to a bubble tea store with my friends. at first i was still able to engage to their conversations, but after 10-15 minutes, i became silent. i smiled, i pondered, i just stared.

"why are you like that?", they said.

"oh nothing, don't worry. i'm just tired"

 i was indeed tired. my body was aching, my head was heavy, and my heart...ah...my heart; the thing that pumps blood all over the body, the muscle that is the centre of life, yes, my heart, simply hurts like hell.

i am being stupid aren't i? making a big fuzz over nothing...so juvenile.

this is probably the reason why i like winter. it makes me close my eyes and not feel anything. the numbness that surrounds my body tells me to stay still and dream...forever.

put me to sleep. put me to my eternal slumber. i am tired...

pardon me for my vagueness but i just wanted to let some things out of me.

the truth is, i am still hoping. i do.

weird and unimaginable things keep on bumping into my head and i can't help it.

what should i do? what can i do?

yes i rant, and i keep on regurgiating the same shit over and over again.

i just feel this enormous pain deep inside me. i am thankful that i feel this since i know i am alive. i know that by having this emotion, i have not become this cold, and uncompassionate machine. i am thankful that i am still living, living my life full of love, full of warmth, and full of meaning.

i am thankful for giving me this gift that changed me into this another type of entity- a better person.

but i still have a last wish before i let you go:

 

 let me go

i am tired of playing these mind games...

i am sick of tag of war...

i just had to end it...

                                                                            and now i did.

--------------

i am sitting in front of my laptop, eating leftovers from what should have been my lunch. i feel emancipated, and yet awful from what i have done.

how can telling the truth be so hard, and at most points, be excruciating and painful? i thought that mind games just spices things up and can actually make relationships stronger on the long run. but now i think i should rethink about that statement and start assessing where it should only be applied.

i am in doubt. i was in doubt. feeling helpless and anchored by these staggering emotions that swing you around back and forth, i am still in doubt of everthing, including myself.

you are evil. you are cruel. how can you put me in such pain without even lifting your finger. how can this...thing....this wonderful and good thing inflict a vast amount of pain.

and so i had to end it.

i had to demand for an ultimatum for myself so that i could move on.

i had to wake myself up from this nightmare that keeps on haunting me everytime i sleep.

...i had to be emancipated.

hard as it can be, i will pull through. i do not wish to be trapped in a dark cave full of lies and deceit. i am going to be me.

people tend to put up a pseudo attitude, a fake smile, an opaque face, and in sociological terms, it is what Erwin Goffman calls the "impression management". but why do we engage into such thing? for what reason? for what purposes? why can't we just show our true selves? why can't I simply just be...me?

as i delve further into the surrounding premises of the subject matter, i have found myself trapped into this infinite loop of wondering and bewilderness of how to become your own.

we are faced into a constant denial of our identity, continually escaping of who we are.

when i look at the mirror, i see another person who is enveloped with my own skin, possessed the same pair of black eyes, has the same long, black hair, and has a frozen heart. and then i asked myself, "is that me?"

"what have i become..."

after regurgiating the words that has brought me up into this state, the state in which sets me to a path of so-called "right path towards a better life", i have completely befallen to ground zero. 

"reality is harsh, face it"                       "noone else can help you but you"

             "to survive in this cruel world, you have to be strong"          "life is not a fairy tale"     

"don't be like a crybaby"                 "don't fully believe in anything"     

"nothing is everlasting...not even love"                 "save yourself"

                                             "love can be good, but it can also bring you to your own grave"

"you are on your own"            "knowledge is power"                "the powerful dominates"

i am not really the person you think you know. i am cruel. i am cold. i lack compassion. i lack empathy. i am insensitive to the world around me. i may not be the nicest person in the world but sacrificing myself to become this heartless machine will save my loved ones someday. this i firmly believe.

i strive for knowledge. i yearn for power. and once i attain that, i'll let myself burn again to ignite my blazing heart. i am no machine. i am also a human being. but undergoing such transition, i shall endure, not for my sake, but for my loved ones.

 

i am the two-faced medusa.

 

 

did u miss me? oh i know that you did! hihihi!

 

at last the storm has finally passed. exams...finished! midterms....DONE DONE DONE!

i just hope that i passed all my courses especially SOC100 (sociology) since i've been sitting in a 61 before the exam and now i am pretty unsettled and hoping for the best.

i have never been happy just passing. University life is waaaay different from high school because all my colleagues are on par and i have to keep up with them.

just thinking about those sleepless nights studying MAT134 (calculus), BIO152(biology), SOC100 (socioloy), and CHM140 (chemistry), i think i am going to miss them. hahaha! im such a nerd now omg....@_@

but what makes those sleepless nights important to me are the expeiences attached to it and the happy moments i had with my University friends. we even have a family for our group called "pemili", which means family pronounced in korean.

im just happy that im done now even if its just for the meantime. all i need now is sleep, rest, and a lot of exercising!!!!!!

i have literally gained a lot of weight because of stress and school. *ugh...i guess i have to visit the gym more often now.

i'm planning to go out of town this december break but still uncertain of where to go. i have never experienced long driving yet that's why i wanted to do it for the first time.

i just want to have a sweet winter and breakaway from everything. i need it badly.

i also have a new look...i think im goin back to being emo. lol even though im not really emo..i just like the style.

hope u like 'em!

'til next time!

 

"Love that lives in the heart cannot be so easily terminated by time

Even though the encounter is brief, its encounter shall last a lifetime

No one can change the direction of love that lives in the heart

If you have loved, that in itself is the answer"

                                                                                           

                                                                                        -Bishonen, 1998

another whopping 48 in my chem midterm

 

 

 

....when will i ever pass?

just got my sociology term test and i failed it...48/100

wow...

for the first time in my entire life i failed a test....and it is worth 30% of my whole mark...

you [socio] may have given me a devastating blow pero itaga mo pa toh sa bato:

 

"......you will never knock me down you sick bastard!"

i am feeling frustrated because of school and other aspects of my life,

and this lyrics from Coldplay's "Fix You" says it all...

 

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...


Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...


Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

The 8 facts about yourself, you share 8 things that your readers don't know about you. Then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going.

>Each blogger post these rules first.
>Each blogger must start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
>Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things and post these rules.
>At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
>Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Eight things you don't know about me...

1. i only wear pajamas wenever i take my dog for a walk (during summer time)

2. i usually walk my dog wen the sun comes down (im kinda nocturnal...i abhor the sun!)

3. i only wear a shirt and an underwear wen im at home (during summer)

4. i walk naked all over the house after taking a shower

5. i force myself to cry to make myself feel better even though i really don't have a big problem. only applies wen im in the "mood" though

6. i'm a neat freak

7. i become a very different person when im in love

8. i like to drink....but not to the point that im considered as an alcoholic. drinking just makes me nostalgic and brings back my good old days in the philippines.

 

i tag:

1.patch

2.patrick

3.rara

4. alquin

5. peter belmi

6.mark alcaraz

7. balinas!!! lol

 

this incident only happened a few hours ago while me and my friend, Anna, was sitting in front of Tim Hortons.

------------------------

today was just a usual midnight for me and Anna- my neighbour, friend, and schoolmate- until a group of brown guys arrived out of nowhere. the routine was me going to her house after i work, shower, and do my laundry, then go to Timmies and chill.

as we were having our usual conversations about life, love, and interesting experiences, the brown guys, 3 of them to be exact, are cruising the area and began checking us out. at that moment, we felt like preys waiting to be devoured by a vulture.

one of them who has a long wavy hair, somewhat in his early 20's, suddenly drew spatially near us without any hesitation. i waited intently, looked at his eyes in hope of finding the nature of his approach, but ended up with more bewilderness.

a drop of sweat or two went down through my neck as i sip from my Iced Cappuccino.

"Hi there!", he said.

"Hi...", both of us replied.

"Hey, i was just wondering if you guys are going out.", he asked.

A wide big smile popped out of our faces after those lines were uttered maybe due to relief or flattery. Anna and i actually thought that we might get kidnapped or raped which only the silent moon can witness and testify to.

"Oh no no no, actually we are just friends", Anna said. "Yes, we are", i added.

"Oh really? i thought you guys were dating 'cuz i saw you 4 days ago together also". He smiled while tucking his hair behind his ears, holding a cigarette in his right hand and began puffing once.

"So, what school do you guys go to?".

"I just graduated from Gonzaga and will go to UTM for Life Sciences", i replied. "Anna is my schoolmate but she is now going to Joan of Arc. What about you?"

"I'm going to York. Just got here from Dubai 2 years ago".

"I've heard York is a party school", Anna added. all of us then giggled, feeling the somebody-is-hitting-on-me-right-now-what-should-i-say/do-next kind of atmosphere.

at last, THE much awaited line was dropped to the conversation as we prepared for the attack and avoid being flanked from our behind.

"so...uhm...can i have your number?"

Anna began to stutter, not knowing what to say or how to deny the guy's request.

(both of us speaking in Filipino)

Anna: "should i give him my number or not?"

Me: "i don't know. it's your choice"

Anna: "what should i do?"

Me: "just tell him that your boyfriend would get mad at you"

and so she did, yet, the guy was persistent and told us that he doesn't mind. in the end, however, he just gave up and went away with his fellow brown moss-troopers. upon accepting his defeat, we, on the other hand gained an unforgettable experience in the facade of Tim Hortons.

we went walked home afterwards and continued enjoying the breeze of the midnight summer.

 

 

and this is where the story of the unusual encounter ends...

*BOW

 

 

hi!!!!!

 

I'm back!!!!

 

it has been a while eh?

and now i've returned from my short hiatus and once again ready to share my life to everyone. yahoo!!! 

 

what have i been up to during my summer? well, a LOT. i have done a lot of things to keep me busy, and things i've never thought of doing in my entire life (some of which are personal, if you don't mind).

 

first and foremost, i was able to successfully renovate the interior of our house into a modern, and innovative habitat, unlike before which looked like a plain, dull shack. when my new digicam comes, i will upload pictures ASAP.

 

i really never knew that there was also an interior genius within me. since i was a child, i've never had any creativity nor a wide imagination in anything that i do; my drawing capabilities were limited to stick figures, not to forget my 1 dimensioned illustrations. i mean, even a grade 3 student can draw better than me. that is how bad my art is. adrian, my bestfriend, constantly insults my "art" and tells me, "piggy! ano 'yan!" hahahaha! gawd, how i miss those days!

 

moving on, i have also done our backsplash in the kitchen (for those who doesn't know what a backsplash is, it is the tiles that are against the walls in the kitchen) and change all the standard lights to recessed ones. changing them were a lot difficult than i've thought because i had to install heavy big transformers and got electrocuted several times. arggg! as you can see, my hands are not pretty anymore as they were when i first got here in Canada. TT_TT

 

in spite of all those ordeals that i had to face, all of my hard-work have bore its fruits and were not put in vain in the end. the results are promising and i am really proud of it! ^_^ even i surprise myself on the things that i was able to do.

 

not only did i become an amateur interior designer, but i've also become a chicken cook! all i do are marinate some chickens, prep them, bread them, put them in the pressure cooker, and ALAS! i've become a cook! lol. working in KFC has given me a very important lesson in life, and that is to study hard and not become a poor cook who only receives an insanely low minimum wage. hahahaha! so guys and gals, THIS IS FOR YOU: please be smart and aspire to live a wealthy life....trust me...it is for your own good.  PUHLEEEAAASSSEEE!

if not, just find a sugar daddy/mommy. either way will make you rich anyways.

 

my lifestyle has TOTALLY changed since i had a part time job because most of my shifts were during the evenings and i usually get off at around 12 or 1 am. it is a good thing that i have a car or else i won't be able to go home in one piece.

 

when i get home, i take a shower then wash my ONLY uniform before walking my dog. after walking my dog for at least an hour, i water our lawn (front and back) and i usually finish at around 3 am. after those things were put aside, it is now my relaxation time. i either watch korean dramas or any movie worth watching as long as it is not scary OR play ps2 which i borrowed from my friend until dawn. then i wake up at 2 pm and watch again or play 'til 4 pm. so yeah, that's my current lifestyle for summer 07. nice eh?  

 

as for my lovelife, it is still the same: single and waiting. i'm still having those "moments" during the night sometimes, and whenever that happens, i just turn to my dog and say, "...at least i have you".  yes, i plea guilty of doing that. the reason being of me wanting a dog in the very beginning is because i wanted to invest my feelings, my love and as such,  to a living creature whom i know will not ever turn his/her back on me whatever happens. and there you have it, a dog: man's bestfriend. haaayyy....sad but true.

 

anyhoooo! it feels good to be back! i am really eager in sharing my boring life to everyone once again. so please bear with me and let us have a bumpy and fun ride together!

 

...now, SHALL WE?

 

 

i want to experience a very unforgettable summer

 

an event that will forever change my life.

 

i wana feel some change

exciting...

impulsive....

burning...

 

------------------------

 

all i need is a change

all i need...

 

 

 

...is a heart

 

 

i was and still am very busy within these past few weeks. ugh.

i couldn't even continue my usual routines all due to my humble part time job in Kentucky Fried Chicken.

a lot has happened but i've become lethargic in narrating all of the events that have happened in my life recently, so i'll just summarize them (again...=S):

-got my first paycheck in my entire life!!!! yahoo!!! though i still feel i am underpaid...

-watched tons of movies (Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix, Transformers, Die Hard 3, Fantastic 4, and more)

-worked for a total of 65+ hours within two weeks

-reformated my laptop

-baked a cheesecake for the first time in my entire life and it was so damn delicious

-home alone for 2 months

my family went back to the philippines 2 weeks ago and i was left here all alone with my dog, Bruni. i decided not to go back because nobody will take care of the dog and the house. someone has to make sacrifices and i chose to be the sacrificial lamb (errr....sounds awkward eh? coming from a guy who's not religious at all).

as i was saying, im all alone here in my house. i actually enjoy it because i get to do what i want such as playing loud music, eating and cooking the foods that i want without anything being wasted, and practicing being a mature, liberated adult (hihihihi).